About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
