I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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