My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
