so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
