found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Someone signed my nipple.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
