ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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