i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
