Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
