So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
