Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
