I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
