Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
