If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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