Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize