I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
