i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
