aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I can't put those talents on a resume
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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