my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
