Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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