it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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