He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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