when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
