Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
