she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
