Whod you bang
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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