My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
