Non-Jews are for practice
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
