Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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