It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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