the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
