i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
