Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i now understand why vodka
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I deserve this hangover.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
