I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
