You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
