mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Girls should come with a carfax report
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize