So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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