I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
