can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
