What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
