Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
