Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize