dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
