his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize