I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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