I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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