Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
