They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize