whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
