Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
