fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
