Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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