i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
