Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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