I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
