it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
