just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
