I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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