Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
