Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
How does one acquire holy water?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
