hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
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