he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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