I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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