She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
