Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
