Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
