so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
