hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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