OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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