and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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