I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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