TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I want to be your penis for a week.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
