Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
