I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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