Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
