my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
