There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You pole danced in your parka.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
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