What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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