someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize