if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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