I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
