We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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