it's too hot outside to masturbate.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize