I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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