somebody snuck up and got me drunk
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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