Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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