I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
