then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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