I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
