Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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