I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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