Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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