You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
