everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I want to fling myself into the sun
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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