he was CRYING into my vagina
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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