remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
