Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize