you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
