With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
