sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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