It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Randomize
