I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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